Random Ramblings of an Overactive Mind

a new beginning

2007-10-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

marcus... thank you for allowing me to be here... to be in your life while you are going through in the midst of understanding how you can let go of a relationship... i too understand it was not easy... i was there once... but it was only till i met you that i realized you are perfect and you are that one... the one that people spend their whole lives looking for but never found... i will not let go... it has only been a few days but it feels like i have known you forever... i guess our golden rule was that everything we had been through was a build up to who we are today and i am here... i wanna be here to walk you every step of the way... averil

What Hurts The Most

2007-04-29T08:21:00.000-07:00

"What Hurts The Most"

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house

That don’t bother me

I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out

I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while

Even though going on with you gone still upsets me

There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok

But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most

Was being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go

But I’m doin’ It

It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone

Still Harder

Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret

But I know if I could do it over

I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart

That I left unspoken

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most

Is being so close

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away

And never knowing

What could have been

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you

That’s what I was trying to do

2007-03-28T12:00:00.000-07:00

"You Could Be Happy"

You could be happy and I won't know

But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said

Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were

But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure

I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are

You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you

And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to

Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you go

Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

All in all i guess this sums it all up and also to where i am at right now..
over Ada, probably never.
But i've gotten used to my situation.
I've gotten used to everything thats happened.
Perhaps starting to laugh and smile again.
genuine? i don't know yet.
but i guess i'm in a place thats a little better than before..

But of course i say this now, until another mood swing hits and i crash again.....

stable? Far from it.....
happy? even further from it....

Time and space?

2007-03-11T05:12:00.000-07:00

So it is said that Time and space heal all wounds....
Is it true? I think not....
There are wounds that just never heal.
Time and space just causes it to fester....
The hurt increases the pain multiplies.
There are just wounds that never heal.
Verily, i am inflicted with one such wound....

There was a period of time i thought that it had begun healing, begun mending.
I was so wrong ( as usual )
In fact all time and space had done was cover it up with surface events, like a bandage.
Until finally time came to change it, the wound only looked worse. it festered....

Yet strangely how do you amputate that which is not there?

What escapes do i have left? Death perhaps?
What choices do i have left for even a semblance of healing?

In trying to walk away, in trying to move on, i only found myself coming back full circle to a wound torn deeper and bleeding even heavier.

Truly how do i move on from here?
How do you get over letting go that special one that comes once in a lifetime?
That makes everything better by just being there.

How do you move on knowing that anything else that happens next will never compare to her?

how to move from finding your calling in god, and because of selfish and stupid reasons, you turn your back on that calling?

Where do you go from saying no to god?

Truly i say this in all solemnity and in all seriousness, i am not able to love any one else anymore.
not out of choice, of denying a person.
But purely because i can never love anyone else.... not after ada.

Do i live? No...
i exist.... but i do not live anymore....

never again....

Seperate Lives - Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin

2007-03-07T04:41:00.000-08:00

You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when youre alone in your room
Do I feel lonely too?

You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We cant go on just holding on to time
Now that were living separate lives
Well I held on to let you go
And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show
There was no way to compromise
So now were living (living)Separate lives

Ooh, its so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger

Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, well go on living separate lives
Yes for now, well go on living separate lives
Separate lives

4 months on.....

2007-03-06T23:56:00.000-08:00

4 months on and i find myself still in a lot of pain....
delving deep into myself would be swimmiing through an ocean of pain, misery, heartache, sorrow, sadness, anger, rage, guilt and most of all shame.....

What hurts the most? the sharp pain of a loss or the dull ache of an emptiness deep where your heart is? i know the answer...

Still i'm haunted each night by fever dreams, of what was. Haunted by dreams of the promises of a future now long past.

I close my eyes and all i see is still Ada....
I try to find peace within myself only to have it ripped apart.
Trapped in a maze of memories, caught by what could have been had i not been so foolish.

God i just want to rip my heart out.

Heartless and Souless.

I am no more....
I Am Dead.

Love?

2007-01-28T10:28:00.000-08:00

What is love?

Love is patient, love is kind.
It is not jealous, it is not pompous,
It is not inflated, it is not rude,
it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoingbut rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

This is today's reading.
It funny how i thought i knew love. but in fact i didn't.
I let so much get in the way of what love really is.
I let myself forget so many things.

I guess the price has already been paid. a price much too high and much too dear.
Life was definately more bearable with her around.
Life was definately brighter and more vibrant.

Its amazing the difference a single soul can make.
The love you can have for a single soul and that love makes it all so different.
So much more worth.
So much more of everything.

Simple put... i really haven't gotten over anything yet...
i thought i had, but all that really happened was that i really buried everything so deep inside.

I'm not brave, i'm really a coward. running from everything. running from the pain.
running from the hurt and running from the sorrow.

Will i ever be brave enough to turn around and face it? i don't know...

If Only

2007-01-27T13:28:00.000-08:00

If only's have always been part of my life.
Right now, the biggest "if only" would be : If only i wasn't so stupid and proud, then perhaps things would turn out this way. Then perhaps things would be better and happier....

Do i have a right to these feelings? i don't think so.
I Landed myself here because of my pride and selfishness.
So do i have a right to feel this way?
Do i have a right to want her back?
Do i ever have the right to love her again?

The answer is but a simple word.... It a Big Resounding NO.

Sounds familiar? yup. Been in the same place before... In fact i'm still in the same place.
Trying to get over it? Yes, but the ride isn't a gentle one.

Been having flashes of life recently. the last few days.
Strangely it always has her in it..
How things would be like if only she was still in my life..
Sigh.....

2006-12-09T05:49:00.000-08:00

So She Dances - Josh Groban

A waltz when she walks in the room
She pulls back the hair from her face
She turns to the window to sway in the moonlight
Even her shadow has grace

A waltz for the girl out of reach
She lifts her hands up to the sky
She moves with the music
The song is her lover
The melody's making her cry

So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently

A waltz for the chance I should take
But how will I know where to start?
She's spinning between constellations and dreams
Her rhythm is my beating heart

So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently

I can't keep on watching forever
I give up this view just to tell her
When I close my eyes I can see
The spotlights are bright on you and me
We've got the floor
And you're in my arms
How could I ask for more?

So she dances
In and out of the crowd like a glance
This romance is
From afar calling me silently

I can't keep on watching forever
And I'm givin' up this view just to tell her

Thats how i see her.
Her every move is a dance.
How i saw her in the beginning 2 and a half years ago.
Lost sight of it for a long time....
But i finally see it again...
And i'm not going to lose sight of it again.

I know i've done you a lot of wrongs.
I'm going to make up for it.
Making up for the promises i never fulfilled.
Making up for all the hurt i've caused

I'm startng by working on those promises.
To make them come true.
Hopefully you'll see i've changed.
Hopefully you'll be able to spend the rest of your life with me again.

This Christmas, all i really want, is to have you back...
But freedom has you in its grasp, and i have to let it take you.
If it truly makes you happy, then i'm happy for you as well...

I'm so sorry my dear.
I still love you...
And i love you more now.
But perhaps its come too late....

The Greatest Story Ever Told

2006-12-07T07:23:00.000-08:00

Chapter 1

Once upon a time, there lived a boy.

This boy lived in a city, the city of the lion.

He lived with three monsters.

Their names were Pride, Sloth and Fear.

These monsters lived within the boy's heart.

One day, the boy's group of friends invited this boy to a grand event.

Dragon Knights from all over the world were coming together.

Almost the whole of the Lion City turned up.

As the boy was walking through the crowd, he saw a girl.

To the boy, the girl was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

This girl was Princess of the Lion City.

This girl was also a friend to one of the boy's party.

Introductions were made and their eyes met.

Sparks flew from the beginning and a conversation started.

They spoke from when they met, up until they had to part for that day.

For the following months, the boy was too scared to send a message to the Princess.

The boy was afraid, he was afraid of rejection.

Months later, at the church, the Princess and the boy met up through serendipity and decided to go out.

The boy had recently been drafted into the local militia, and thus only had the weekends with which were his.

Throughout the week, Messangers pigeons streamed between the Princess' palace and the boy's milita camp. A relationship was forming in that time. Slowly the boy's fear of rejection was laid to rest.

When the weekend came, plans that were laid throughout the week came to fruition.

The relationship that was building came to a climax. On that fateful Saturday, Questions deep within the heart of both the boy and Princess were answer with a sign from the heavens.

Their fate became sealed on that day.

The boy had become a prince. And they spent their days together in joy and happiness.

Unknown to the boy, that whilst all this was happening, the 3 monsters that lived in the boy were plotting on how to take over the boy's life. They spent their days growing stronger and stronger, deep within the reaches of the boy's heart.

A day came, whilst the boy was sleeping,the monsters took control of the boy, locking him away in a maze deep within his heart. The boy had never realized the change. having gotten used to the monsters growing within him. Slowly the boy started taking the Princess for granted. Slowly started to ruin the couples happiness.

The Princess' friends shouted to her, and warned her of the 3 monsters that had taken over the boy. But the Princess loved the boy so much that she stuck by him, determined to stop the growth of the monsters. Determined to remove the monsters from the boy. Alas, the boy was unable to do anything, having been locked away in a prison maze so deep in his heart that he had found no was out.

The Princess tried and tried, never giving up, until one day, she cracked through the armour of the monsters and rescued the boy. Alas, it was too late. Too much damage was done and too much hurt inflicted upon the princess caused her to turn her back away from him.

The boy having seen the error of his ways, started a quest to remove the demons from his heart. Thus putting on the armour crafted by the Princess herself, he set off into the wilderness to pursue his goals.

The Princess having been hurt too much, left the Lion City for a distant land, to the City of Churches.

Will there be a chapter 2?

The story is a true story, one that is still being written as we speak....

Awake

2006-11-28T07:55:00.000-08:00

A beautiful and blinding morning

The world outside begins to breathe

See clouds arriving without warning

I need you here to shelter me

And I know that only time will tell us how

To carry on without each other

So keep me awake to memorize you

Give me more time to feel this way

We can't stay like this forever

But I can have you next to me today

If I could make these moments endless

If I could stop the winds of change

If we just keep our eyes wide open

Then everything would stay the same

And I know that only time will tell me how

We'll carry on without each other

So keep me awake for every moment

Give us more time to be this way

We can't stay like this forever

But I can have you next to me today

We'll let tomorrow wait, you're here, right now, with me

All my fears just fall away, when you are all I see

We can't stay this way forever

But I have you here today

And I will remember

Oh I will remember

Remember all the love we shared today

Almost

2006-11-28T07:35:00.000-08:00

Almost a month past, almost a month gone,
Almost a life made, But in the end, a life lost.
A wrong decision made,
A lifetime of regret laid.
Time heals no wounds, but opens them anew.

As tears flow freely,
A heart bleeds infinately.
blood and tears mingle and a cup of sorrow filled.
A wounded soul cries out,
And silence answers in its entirety.

Hopelessness and desperation unite.
Sadness and pain are one.
Regret and Sorrow are together.
A picture is painted, and music is written.
Black as night and loud as silence.

Faith is shattered,
A heart is bleeding,
A soul is shattered,
A mind is broken,
A voice is crying.

Will hearts harden and condemn me further?
Or will it soften and save this wretch?
Will a soul be mended?
Or will be cast down?

A cry for help is let loose,
Loud as it can be.
A cry for love is let out,
As far as it can reach.

Demons haunt my dreams.
And Devils my living days.
Joy has died, laughter perished.
Colours blur and sounds dim.

A decision i made, a damnation on myself
Cast out an angel, and paid the price.
Thrown out of heaven and fallen into hell.
There to lie, till forgivness is given.
there to burn, till love is found.

Happiness

2006-10-15T06:43:00.000-07:00

When can we say we've been the happiest? What are our true moments of unbridled happiness?
These questions struck me today, for some unknown reason.....
As i spent the whole day in contemplation, it suddenly struck me when i was coming back from buying my dinner.
How many people remember, or have seen the joy and happiness in a child's eyes when he's given a scoop of ice cream, or something on an outing, and he didn't ask for it,
When its given to the child as a treat...
Think back carefully, to your own childhood. When something was given to you as a treat? a scoop of ice cream? your favorite desert? Think of the joy you felt...
I remember when it happened to me... Then i compared it to all the moments in my life up till now when i have felt joy and happiness.
Truly, that was when i felt joy and happiness....
Perhaps its because of the innocence of those times....
There have been many moments in my life that have come close to the same level, but somehow that moment sticks in my head as being the happiest... Again i attribute it to probably the simplicity of the mind then. Looking at things though a child's eyes.

I was brought up simple. I was brought up knowing that my family couldn't afford many things that other families could. In some subconscious way, throughout my life, when i wanted to buy something for myself, i would always take it out of my own pocket, even though it left me with almost no money, and i wouldn't ask my parents for more until they found out and i got scolded for it... Even up till now, i usually try to avoid asking my parents for cash, unless i need it...
Back then, an ice cream when we went out was a big thing for me....
I wonder what happened to that innocence....

There was a time when i believe we all found joy in the simple things....
I wonder when it happens, when we start wanting more, and expecting more...
When do we lose that innocence?

There's something in a babies smile that will make you smile too....
Think about it... when you see and hear a baby laugh and smile when he/she's playing, minding its own thing... I just brings a smile to you.... The look in the baby's eye, the wonder when it see's someone new, or something new.... If you don't know what i'm talking about, look into a baby's face and eyes when his/her parents are pushing the pram or carrying him through orchard rd...

Why do i smile when i see it? i think i know why, for myself...
It brings to mind an innocence lost, and though the childs eyes, i get to relive a small moment of it. Perhaps that's why we all smile.... besides appreciating, the whole adorableness of the situation....

It could be different for you. i'm just assuming....

Maybe the key to it all is in the children.....
The key to love, the key to happiness.....

Is a child truly capable of hate?
Hate on an unforgivable scale?
Can a young child hate a person?

I honestly don't think so....
There is so much love and forgiveness inside a child, its astouding.....
And there is so much more in a special needs child....
I share a sentiment with my GF, Ada,
Special needs children were put on this earth to teach us how to love, on a much larger degree than normal children.
But truly, i believe children teach us and show us everyday how to love.....
They are the true teachers.... They really are the most important teachers we will have in our lives.

I hope and pray i learn from them....
I hope and pray i learn before i become too cynical....
i hope and pray the world learns before it becomes too cynical....

Free - Corrinne May

2006-10-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

I see the morning glory
It winds upon the tree
It tells the untold story of how things were meant to be
You saw the universe
Caught up in desperate dreams
You came and changed the ending
Changed it to save my fate

You led the revolution
You left your legacy
Embraced the struggle in the face of mortality
I know I'm not alone in this
Help me believe

I can be free
I can be free from this place
Beautiful healer
Beautiful grace
Help me to see
Everything fall into place
Wake me from dreaming
No more deceiving
Break these chains

It's still the same old story
This great divide
Between the want and waste
And all the hunger inside
I heard the news today
Now I'm trying to find my place
I'm just a single voice

What can I do to erase
All this misunderstanding
All this anarchy
Six degrees of separation
Sometimes it's so hard to see
That we are not alone in this
I need to believe

I can be free
I can be free from this place
Beautiful healer
Beautiful grace
Help me to see
Everything fall into place
Wake me from dreaming
No more deceiving
Break these chains

Amazing how music can be such an inspiration......
I was on a train home from work today, and there was this boy, abt 5 yrs old i think, running around, squeezing in between ppl, all in the tight confines of a crowded MRT train.
At the time i couldn't help myself but think about how annoying the kid was, and his parents weren't doing anything to stop him, even though he was clearly annoying the other passengers around him... So that was my thought all the way from Orchard MRT to Bishan MRT.

But as i was walking home from the MRT, this song came on. It set me off thinking....
I listened closer to the lyrics, tried to get the meaning of the song. It set me off to thinking even deeper....

I thought about my previous posts, about how children see things in truth, how they are still innocent enough to speak the truth through their eyes. Then i thought back to the kid on the train, and suddenly from annoyance, i thought to myself, if only we were so lucky.

If we were as lucky to be as the boy on the train, free from worries and the burdens of this grown up world. To not bother about how the people around think of him, to have no thought of his own image and he does what he wants, when he wants.

Is it so? That as we get older, society chains us up, so that we aren't able to be who we truly are and who we truly want to be? That this current state of being is brought about by all the burdens and chains of society? Could it be that society is in fact shutting the truth of the individual from itself?

Recently my company had a breakfast meeting and we all had to dress up into certain themes.
The theme i got was Punk Chic. After scrounging around for accesories and clothes to try to look as punk as i could, we went to the store early in the morning to dress up. A friend helped me with my hair, it was spiked up and twisted together to look sharp and i had many of these little spikes all over my head. pretty much like a durian i guess, i had another friend do eyeliner for me as well... there after we left the shop to head to Cineleisure, where the meeting was held. Strange how it is, we noticed a lot of people staring at us, probably wondering who all these mad people were, dressed such as us early in the morning. But it didn't hit me till i headed home.
Caught a cab and dropped off at my place. Immediately, when i got out of the cab, these 2 people sitting at the drop off point literally stopped talking and turned to stare... Rude i know, but at the same time, it made me wonder about the acceptance of individuals....

Now, i look at those who dress in any way they want, with a lot of respect. The amount of courage neccessary to do that. The amazing sense of self to not be affected by what the world thinks of them. As much as i try to have that same sense of self, many a time i just can't help but feel watched, judged and sentenced, as though before a judge in a court of law.

There are so many things that as kids, we grew up knowing, that we grew up doing, yet it seems that as we grow up and become more steeped into society, we lose that individuality, we lose that freedom to be who we are, just so that we would fit into what the trends demand, what society demands and what the world demands of us...

Perhaps to some, it would be considered folly, to go back to our childish ways, but i'm saying that we go back to that completely, but by using our hindsight, we learn from the kids around us. We need to learn and see through their eyes once again. To combine that with the wisdom and experience we all have learned through our lives. To not be afraid of being ourselves, even if who we are is completely away from society's norm. To not be afraid to speak our minds, yet combining that with our wisdom and experience so as we would not hurt those around us with our words.

If i could turn back time, and tell myself to never forget certain things, i would.

Its time i relearned certain lessons, and its time i unlearned certain things.
Its time i broke these chains of society and tried to make things the way they were meant to be.

Jesus couldn't have died just for this to happen...
He couldn't have died to save us, just for us to end up losing ourselves.
I know deep within my heart that The Kingdom isn't this way....
I as a catholic am charged with the mission to try to build God's Kingdom on earth.
This can't be part of it, this society and it common laws....

God, help us break these chains that bind us.
Jesus, help us find ourselves once again.
Spirit, guide us and bring us back to the right path.

This song is my prayer, that what i want to affect in this world is not in vain.
It is my prayer that i hope i am on the right track.
That i am not alone in my struggle to change the world
That what i believe in is the truth.
I pray this so i have hope, so i CAN believe....

Ending a Cycle

2006-09-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

This is gonna sound silly, but i was reading a comic, X-men to be exact and it set me thinking...
Somehow comics these days set me thinking a lot.
The art work aside, what is the message behind the comics?
For the X-men, well, its to stop discrimination and hate.....

As i was reading through it, it dawned on me, that for peace to come about, for acceptance to come about, blood has to be first spilled....
Jesus, the Matyred Saints, Ghandi, Pope John Paul II, Martin Luther King, etc.....
For something closer to home? The racial riots many years ago, Bandah Aceh's independence?

Like i ask, does blood first have to be spilled, so that peace can come about? no matter how temporary?

What if, all the world is looking for, all the world is waiting for is for the cycle to end?
For peace to come without weapons and arms, more importantly, without Bloodshed.....

Peace upheld by force of arms never lasts.... but peace being kept willingly by both parties? that lasts a long long time....

What is it that keeps us fighting? Can our human nature be truly so warlike? Must the Strongest always be on top? Survival of the fittest? Nature's instinct?

Yet, so many people have come before us and shown us how working together makes us so much stronger. Why is it that, we can't all work together?
What is truly blocking this peace process? The process of coming together and working things out. Not with violence, but by compromise?

Violence only begets Violence, Anger only begets more Anger. Hate, only more Hate.......

Can we as people tear ourselves from this cycle? Can we as a nation break this cycle and show the world an example of peace? Of truly harmonious living?
Can we as individuals, put aside our prejudices and judgements and see each other truly as another individual? Another person, Human Beings? Who bleeds red just like everyone else?
Made out of flesh and bone?

I ask you honestly, what has hate and prejudice ever done for anyone?
Nothing for me... Yet Love has brought me so much more.....

This is a call for peace!
This is a call for Friendship!
This is a call To LOVE!

Amazing how comics can bring about such thoughts eh?
pick one up, read it, superman, batman, JLA, X-men, what ever....
the message is the same, the call is the same....
Stop the hating and start the loving.....

Why - Nicole Nordeman

2006-09-24T08:03:00.000-07:00

We rode into town the other day

Just me and my daddy

He said I'd finally reached that age

And I could ride next to him on a horse

That of course was not quite as wide

We heard a crowd of people shouting

And so we stopped to find out why

And there was that man that my dad said he loved

But today there was fear in his eyes

So I said daddy why are they screaming

Why are the faces of some of them beaming?

Why is he dressed in that bright purple robe?

I'll bet that crown hurts him more then he shows

Daddy please can't you do something?

He looks as though he's gonna cry

You said he was stronger then all of those guys

Daddy please tell me why?

Why does everyone want him to die?

Later that day the sky grew cloudy

And daddy said I should go inside

Somehow he knew things would get stormy

Boy was he right

But I could not keep from wondering

If there was something he had to hide

So after he left I had to find out

I was not afraid of getting lost

So I followed the crowds

To a hill where I knew men had been killed

And I heard a voice come from the cross

And it said father why are they screaming?

Why are the faces of some of them beaming?

Why are they casting their lots for my clothes?

This crown of thorns hurts me more then it shows

Father please can't you do something?

I know that you must hear my cry's

I thought I could handle a cross of this size

Father remind me why?

Why does everyone want me to die?

When will I understand why?

My precious son I hear them screaming

I'm watching the face of the enemy beaming

But soon I will clothe you in robes of my own

Jesus this hurts me much more then you know

But this dark hourI must do nothing

Though I've heard your unbearable cries

The power in your blood

Destroys all of the lies

Soon you'll see past their unmerciful lies

Look there below See the child

Trembling by her father's side

Now I can tell you why

She is why you must die

I was listening to this song, and i just couldn't help but start tearing and almost cried...

Such a different side to the passion of Christ...

The last part of the song especially...

Christ died for us, christ died for the innocent, to save them and to keep them innocent.

Christ died for us to see things in the light of truth, to keep us seeing things in the light of truth.

Such a high price to pay, isn't it?

Look at the world today, Truly look at the world today, look through the eyes of a child,

What's become of it? Wars are starting, treaties and alliances failing....

Forgive me if i say that the UN isn't as powerful as it used to be....

Ever since its power was undermined by a single nation, the UN has lost a lot of influence....

Though still i applaude the efforts to bring peace once again into the world.

I guess what i'm saying is that, its time that we do something, and not wait for the world powers to do something....

Bring peace to the people around us, you'll be surprised how much effect that has...

Stop the conflicts amongst friends, amongst races, amongst religions.

Love everyone around you...

No one made us judge and jury of another person.

I'm guilty of acting as judge and jury as well, and i try to stop it as often as possible....

Think about it, meeting another person, to a child means another possible friend and playmate.

If only things were so simple when we are older.

I'm just asking and pleading to those around me, to those who read this blog,

Stop the war and strife, stop the petty squables and fights.

Lets put it all behind us and become friends once again....

Look at the truth of our arguments, look at the truth of our situations.

Bask in the light of the truth in everyday of our lives.

The price was paid 1973 years ago on a hill near calvary, by a single man who had enough love in him to save the whole world and to show the world the truth of love. Remember, this price was paid for in blood. Paid for us to have for the rest of our lives.

Please, don't let this person's dream die....

Don't let Jesus' dream die...

Selfish or Selfless?

2006-09-13T05:42:00.000-07:00

How often do we sit down and take a look around? Out of our own world and look into the world of others? To see instead of what we can get out of that person, but look at what can i give the person to make life more wonderful?

What i'm asking is, does this life make us more selfish? Does this society we live in force us to be selfish? Does it force us to become more self-centered, that if we try to become selfless, we will inherently fall flat on our faces?

Just stop for a moment, take an hour or 2 off, sit down somewhere and watch people... watch the interactions, try to listen to the conversations around you... You'll realize, apart from all the idle chit chat, there is underlying all that a very selfish attitude.

Of course, the world teaches that we have to look after ourselves first. That we always have to look out for ourselves first. Fundamentally it makes sense.... But are we carrying it to extremes?

I am neither absolving myself, nor am i saying i'm completely selfless. I am guilty of being selfish and self-centred. Of course i am... i was brought up in this world, in this society. I am human after all...

Can we show selflessness without it being percieved as a sign of weakness?

How is it, that by being kind, gentle, patient and willing to listen, percieved as weakness to the world? Its as though a sign is hung from around your neck saying "Walk all over me!"

Being selfless, being kind, being gentle, these aren't signs of weakness. How many times have we been hanging by our fingernails emotionally, only to have a friend who is selfless, kind and gentle, bring us back up and put us firmly on our feet again?

Perhaps its time we take a look at ourselves and review all our weaknesses again....
Relook at what is percieved as weakness and re-classify everything....

Strange isn't it? the greatest people in the world have flourished in what the world percieves as weakness... Ghandi, Pope John Paul II, Mother Theresa.... just to name a few....

Exactly what do we need to do to make our society better?
For us to achieve the society that we all desire?
A close to Utopian society?

Perhaps its time that we relook at the fundamentals of what our society is built on.
Its time we take a look around ourselves....

People govern the society that is around them.
Society does not and never will govern the people within it.
After all, look at it... people make up society. Without people, there can be no society.

The power to change society is in our hands!
Do we want to change society with selfish hands?
Or do we want a better society by changing it with selfless hands?

I know my answer... what's yours gonna be?

First post and its not a happy one

2006-09-07T19:03:00.000-07:00

Decided that its time to move away from my old blog.
I'm not troubled anymore, my mind is pretty settled, so no point using the same blog anymore. my old posts are still there, for those that have the address, pretty much recounts my past. This one blog, is for the present, its for me, and what i think about.

Welcome to the Random Ramblings of an Overactive Mind.

Sometimes i wonder why i even bother, its pretty frustrating don't ya think, when you try to get in contact with people or speak to people, but there's totally no response? You sms them, MSN them, but totally no reply... Just the total frustration of it all is just getting to me... Its happening not from just 1 person, but a few ppl recently. People i want to get into contact with cause i haven't seen them in a while, or new friends i want to get to know better.

I know when i'm being ignored and in these cases, that's probably the case. So i guess i shall not bother anymore? Probably, that's what i should do. Can i do it? i don't know. So to those out there who don't have a habit of reply anything from me, well, if i suddenly stop messaging you, means i've probably given up.

I told you this first post wasn't going to be a happy one.

What's the point of living with conformity? To conform to the way society wants you to be? To conform to the way your friends or parents want you to be? Society is made out of individuals. How did society become a place where individuality isn't tolerated?

I say, Screw society. Just be yourself. Be happy when you want to be, be sad when you want to be, be a jackass when you want to be. Most importantly though, Be a Rebel when you want to be.

BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE!

I want to understand the mind. I want to understand people. I want to understand society. Why? Because i want to CHANGE it!

If you feel the same way, leave a message, maybe we can talk about changing society... Write a paper and submit to the PAP or what ever...

I'm done. Bye